So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
