I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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