Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
