I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
