i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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