What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
