tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
