But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
