why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
