So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
