I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
