Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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