the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Randomize
