Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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