he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
