I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
