saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
