Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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