she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
