Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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