i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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