Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
