her vagine was all disorganized.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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