I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
