I don't think brook has ever known best
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
