remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
