Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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