Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
