I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
