Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
