U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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