After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
