there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
