I want to make a zoo with you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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