Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
