new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
