ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
