..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
