I think my fart just growled at me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
