TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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