Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
