I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
