im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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