I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
