Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
