The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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