I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
