Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
