I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
