Whod you bang
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
